Guess ?

Hoarding in Pondicherry (2-Jun-2008)

So what...?

Lake LaSalle, North Campus, Buffalo, NY

So what if I'm all the way across the globe from where I was less than a year ago? The things I like haven't changed one bit. So what if I dont have a bike to ride anymore? I have a lake right on campus. So what if I can't get the thrill of riding without a helmet? The cool breeze ruffles my hair and follows me everywhere on campus. So what if I cant do the things I was so used to doing back home? The forbidden pleasures are the norm out here. So what if I can't meet the people I grew up with? The people here are the ones who're building their lives with me.

Am I displaced? Do I miss home? Do I think this is better? I don't know. How can you possibly compare two complementary scenarios?

Dwiteeya Vigna

From the time of my oldest memories, I remember Anna telling me about "Dwiteeya Vigna".

It is nice and fun to do something the first time round. It's doing it the second time that takes the most effort. Effort in terms of motivation to repeat it the second time; also in terms of seeing it through to completion the second time. If you do manage to get through the second time, further repetitions come easier.

How very true!

I am no workaholic. I am rather the happy-go-lucky kinds that will do something only for the pleasure of doing it. If something doesn't seem interesting enough or pose enough of a challenge to me, I wont consider doing it even the first time. If I have done something once, there's no fun in doing it a second time round. I'd rather try something new.

But somethings have gotta be seen through to completion. And that's what's keeping me going for now.

Getting my first degree - I didn't have a choice. Had to do it. Did it. To try to get a second - that required 'some' work - to let go of a life where I had it all and land myself into a godforsaken place, eternally at war with the whims of nature. Can't complain about that - I chose this way of life. In hindsight... whatever was I thinking!

Now, it's time for dwiteeya vigna all over again. I just wanna get through this semester. The next one is going to be nice and easy (at least, I'm hoping it will be) and I don't see a fourth on the horizon - may not be one after all.

It's interesting to note that everyone I know or have heard of are complaining about their second semester. What are the odds that every opinion you hear from persons known and unknown coincide? You'd expect that there's someone who has had a different experience. I'm waiting to hear from that someone. The expectation of this random variable tending to zero is Zero.

Niagara Falls

Fall 2007

I miss Fall already!

Best advise for all Pre-Adults

Src: http://www.vronline.net/?p=66

Loved this instantly. Exactly what I had always wanted to do!

"We're born and we die; we don't know why."

The other day I was watching an old Jackie Chan movie with a few friends. One of the characters named Ting Ting delivered this dialogue quite nonchalantly.

"We're born and we die; we don't know why."

Her rhythmic sing-song tone cracked us all up. We decided to put it up as our status messages. So all 4 of us had it on together. None of our other friends could fathom what we were upto. We kept at it for a whole day. Then my friends found expression with different quotes, while I still retain the same.

What a beautiful and concise summation of all human life!

We give ourselves airs that we've made great progress in every walk of life. We consider ourselves superior to all other life forms. We take great pride in the comforts and havoc caused by advances in science. We rave about our philosophical thoughts, astrological predictions, psychological control and paranormal experiences. We proclaim ourselves happy at times; we vehemently cry foul and accuse Fate or God for all our miseries. We think we are in control as long as things go our way; the minute things begin to fall apart, we conveniently give up saying it's beyond our powers.

Fact of life... We delude ourselves every moment of the day, irrespective of being conscious or unconscious or semi-conscious.

Our waking hours are spent with us investing our beliefs in whatever seems the most convenient for our minds. Our sleeping hours are spent dreaming about things normal and abnormal - not an ounce of reality in those experiences. Our minds are forever deluding us and making us believe in imagined realities. That's how you can force yourself to believe that a certain event doesn't affect you; then the only truth that you experience is that you're not affected in any way. Force yourself to believe the other extreme and you feel miserable and see the after-effects everywhere you go and in everything you do.

Reality is best explained in this Zen proverb :

"If you understand, things are just as they are;
if you do not understand, things are just as they are."

I altered my status message thus :

"We're born and we die; we don't know why." What a pointless waste!

Another friend who noticed this felt I was being negative and responded with an encouraging statement about life being good and to feel happy about it. I gave him my delusion theory. Delusion is due to lack of knowledge, he shot back.

Indeed! "We're born and we die; we don't know why."

Fragile

I'm touching documents made in 1948. These were written a lifetime ago. Even my father wasn't born until one year later. Somehow they make the 22-1/2 years of my life seem insignificant. Even irrelevant!

I thought I exhibited the most care and gentleness when I was tending to my Jimmy's wounds. But now I realize I am capable of even more tenderness.

Today I got my first taste of what it feels to hold and touch something old and valuable. Wonder how the Google guys felt when they were working on digitizing all those really ancient books.

It Happened in India

That's the name of Kishore Biyani's autobiography.

Kishore who? For the ignorant ones (like me, previously) he's the guy behind Pantaloon, Big Bazaar, Future Bazaar and the Future Group. Impressive portfolio once you look him up. So as not to deprive him of his due credit, Dipayan Baishya is the co-author.

How did I stumble upon this? I got a promotional offer announcement by email from FutureBazaar, since I had bought something online from them a long time ago. It said that the first 100 buyers of the book would get a personally autographed copy. So I decided to look the guy up. And then I found out that he's the guy behind Pantaloon and Big Bazaar.

Ok... I've read books about American entrepreneurs -- The Google Story, Warren Buffett - The Making of an American Capitalist. I really enjoyed reading both these books and they left me inspired and dying to do something myself for the sheer joy of doing it. Now a book about an indigenous Indian entrepreneur!? This is something I gotta see. Plus... I liked the idea of owning a personally autographed autobiography! Plus dirt cheap price - 99 bucks. I had to make this purchase.

I'm done reading over half way through the book. Gotta admit it's not as big in scale as the story of the Google guys or Warren Buffett - my heroes, whom I look upon as demi-gods. But this is something that's happened close to home and something that I can witness first hand too. Exactly why I liked The Google Story and Warren Buffet - I could verify and actually experience the things that were being written about. I hate shopping and detest going out to buy anything. Prefer to be done with it online on the occasions where I have no choice. But now I'm tempted to pay a visit to a local Big Bazaar, only to live the things the author writes about.

One particular aspect of the book that I truly appreciated, is that the story is not a monotonous monologue. It is interspersed with several articles and letters / testimonies of the people with whom Kishore Biyani has worked with. And these pieces aren't made to stand out - seeming like appendages - but actually contribute to the narration of the tale. Immaterial of whether they have been printed with the original words of their respective authors, or edited to suit the book, these letters / testimonies / clippings of newspaper articles blend seamlessly and contribute to the flow of the story. KB picks up at exactly the point where the quotation leaves you. This concept has appealed to me very much.

The Google Story and Buffett's biography, too, did quote things that people close to the subject(s) said, but they were usually limited to a one-liner or two-liners and didn't represent that person's complete perspective. But the format in this book paints a more complete picture and represents the views of KB's associates in a better manner. Of course all the testimonials are from supporters, or former non-believers who've now turned believers, and has none from existing critics. However, KB frequently reminds the reader of the obstacles he faced and the mistakes he committed and learnt from. Therefore it's not all rosy, but it's not too negative either.

Overall, so far, it's made for good reading.

U.G.

While browsing in our club library, I picked up a book because it bore the name of Mahesh Bhatt - the famed film director. I found it surprizing that the man had sufficient skills to write a book. Little did I know then that he regularly publishes in many a newspaper. My presumptuous self was suitably put back in place.

Another reason I found for self-amusement was the sudden and increasing appearance of the name U.G. in the most (un)likely places.

1) There's an old book about conversations with U.G. which I have placed upright in my bureau - I'm not sure whether it belongs to my dad or his grandad or anyone else, but for all practical purposes I call it my dad's . I once picked it up and made an attempt to read it. I didn't know who U.G. was. I asked mom. She said he's one of India's greatest contemporary thinkers. Even then I didn't find enough motivation to carry on. I replaced it in the place I'd created for it.

2) Months later, I was randomly downloading videos and somehow landed up at a web-site where the author/owner/interviewer has interviewed many a thinker/philosopher of our time. There I ended up reading a transcript of an interview with U.G. At the end of it, when I turned off my computer and turned to my bed, my impression of U.G. was that he was a pompous man begging for attention by indulging in gimmicks such as denying all conventional thoughts and theories.

3) On 18-Mar-2007 I picked up a book only because I recognized the author Mahesh Bhatt and it turned out to be a biography of U.G. One of my first thoughts was "Why would someone as distinguished as Mahesh Bhatt bother writing a biography of someone like U.G.? I've gotta find this one out."

So there I was finally reading about U.G. To say that I approached U.G. with an open mind would be wholly untrue. The intention with which I started out was to discover and evaluate for myself whether this man was worth his salt. However I can say that I started out with clean slate - free from all prior (factual) knowledge, except my own thoughts.

Mahesh Bhatt with his anti-guru

Through Mahesh Bhatt's writings, I found U.G. to be an intriguing personality. Reading Mahesh Bhatt quoting U.G., I realized that I had slowly, unknowingly fallen into the trap of holding increasingly strengthening views/beliefs which were progressively tending towards inflexibility. Where did my questioning disappear? Why has the current gradually reduced in its intensity? I'm becoming an adult - one with preconceived notions/stands. Stop! Revert to a previous checkpoint - one where you still had immense capacity to question anything and everything. Thanks U.G.! Thanks Mahesh!

Mahesh Bhatt dedicates a whole chapter to U.G.'s "Death experience". I read it with interest. Here for the first time I see documented evidence that people feel electrically charged. You can see that I blogged about a similar recurring experience in my own life here. The observant reader will not fail to note the date of the post. Another amazing coincidence - one of the many that constantly pop their heads at frequent intervals!

You go through a certain experience. You think you're the only one because you've not heard anyone else in your circle mention it. Finally you summon up the will to face and put up with their sniggers and share it with them. They don't disappoint you with their reactions! Towards the end of the 'discussion' you lose your ability to take more of it and laugh saying "Well... What can I say! I'm a freak of nature!", thereby effectively ending it. Then you unexpectedly read a piece where someone has documented a similar experience and you say "Okay... it's something at least. Guess I'm not the only freak." This kinda frees you of the implicit burden that comes with being the sole bearer of a certain title - good or bad, it's your reputation at stake out there... and at all times!

Well... when the above happens and the other person is someone of U.G.'s stature (a great Indian thinker), one should be allowed a little leeway and forgiven if one takes an ever-so-minuscule moment to be the one who sniggers. For it definitely can't last longer than that. The description of the phenomenon/incident is immediately followed by a quote from U.G. where he says he doesn't want to elaborate on the experience, for he fears others who would like to share the limelight of his 'greatness' would cook up similar experiences and stake claim for 'greatness'.

You just can't escape the feeling of having received an unexpected blow in your stomach. But... Hey! It still doesn't negate the occurrence of the phenomenon in my life! I can prove it. But... Dude, what're you trying to prove? To whom? Why? And then... Yeah, I have no need to prove anything to anyone. It's not of much consequence anyways. So... Relapse into your 'conservation of energy' mode. Hmmm... There! The matter's settled.

I read the whole book with interest. It didn't impress anything permanent upon me. It didn't make me start believing in something new - a belief I didn't hold before. It just reinforced in me the thought that there's nothing wrong in my questioning of things. If I sit down for a more detailed examination of what U.G. said and practiced, I'm certain that I can find many a contradiction in his words and deeds. But I have neither the inclination nor the motivation for that now. Maybe at a later date... For now I'm just happy to be reminded that it's ok to question all things high and sundry.

Today I Stumble-d upon this site which tells me that U.G. died less than a month ago on 22-Mar-2007. I read the news with mixed emotions. Mahesh Bhatt's biography isn't complete. In the narrative on U.G.'s life, Mahesh Bhatt leaves us at the point in U.G.'s life where all the events Mahesh has meticulously documented are in the past. It is also the point where he returns to India, having stayed a month with U.G. for the sole purpose of writing this biography. I knew U.G. had died recently. Maybe within the last year, I had presumed.

I found this obituary which gives a fair account of U.G.'s life, also summarizing everything that Mahesh Bhatt has written in his biography.

To say that I escaped unscathed from all or any influence from U.G.'s thoughts/ideas/'teachings' would be a BIG lie. I do not wholly subscribe to his ideas. I perceive the existence of flaws in his logic, intuitively, even though I cannot substantiate the claim. As I said, I'm not in a mood serious enough to delve into those areas at the moment. If I were a true follower, then I would say there's nothing to be gained by that anyway. Even then I wouldn't be a true follower, for how can one follow a teacher who had NO teaching!

Needless to say, the sense of intrigue that I started out with persists. I shall continue to look up and read about U.G. Another obsession in the making? Maybe. Either way... How does it matter?